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I'm Disappointed

2017-03-24 17:25:31 by ithoughtiwascrazy

I'm Disappointed

Vlog video rant about myself and my stupid and childish behavior lately. 

I've been doing stuff I am not proud of myself lately. Just I've been doing things I don't normally do, and you know I haven't noticed till recently I've been doing those things. I've been apart of the conversations, topic, and other bullshit I hate the most. And I've been feeding them and feel I have become toxic myself in the process. It's very negative to me, and I think overall this years negativity has affected me. But that's not an excuse for what I have made myself apart of, and I want to do something about it. I want to take all that negative time and energy and use it for something positive and to help other plus the community. 

Pretty much what happened was something like this.
 I'd see some comment that you know be racist, sexist, homophobic, Islamophobic, etc, and I'd have to comment on it. So I'd comment something like, "You can't base a whole group of people negatively because of the actions of the few.", which I feel is true. Of course people have their own thoughts and opinions on one of those subjects I talked about, but that's not the problem that I'm talking about. In fact I don't even regret what I've said in those situations, even if it ended with them calling me negative stuff, or I even had a case where I actually affected someone positively and they even told me to never change. So even when you meet some negative people, I have met positive people in other situations. 

But again, this is not the main point of this video. This is not what I am upset about, and what has disappointed me of myself. To become apart of those conversations, to comment back, to show 'facts', it's like a competition to those people. A contest of who knows the most, who will come on top, who's the 'best'. In the end, those conversations DON'T help anyone... and I feel to waste my time on such things have been negative. I could have used my time to do something positive. To help out those people, the environment, whatever is is rather then sitting in a chair like the rest and bitching about all these opinions and 'facts'.

So I am VERY disappointed in myself, and I've made a past promise to myself to help when and where I can. I am going to live up to it now. So once a month I will be choosing something to donate to. I can really be anything, but I need your help on finding one to do so. I will also be leaving a link below so that you guys can contribute as well and help out! It will be in the description box here, on deviantart, tumblr, twitter, twitch, anywhere I can possibly talk about it and post it for it to become more aware for people. I believe it's not only me, but the strength of the community to make something better in this world. To change for the better, and do some good. 

If anything I feel I am heading in the right direction. Being honest and calling out my own mistakes have helpted me move on, and overall make better choices for myself and to help where needed. 

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